Ever Lost a Best Friend?

Mariah.

She was a Mariah; a childhood friend. I lost her in grade 6 or 7. We were friends since kindergarten. Today, without knowing, we share a network of people we each met separately through university and workplaces basically. What a small world huh?!

[What about you? Please feel free to type in a relevant name…:) ]

I never thought i would actually talk about this one day … but here i am letting it out cause it has been on my mind, and because I am always truthful in my thoughts to you my people for one simple reason:

I know that deep down, each of us has been there, done that, or dealt with a “moving on” from one phase to another in this life, whether it was a phase or a person.

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This has happened such a long time ago when i was like 13 or 14 years old i think, maybe a little younger: I lost my then-called “best friend”, “truly best” friend.

It’s not like i’m traumatized by that, at least not that i’m aware of its effect on me lol, but in the past 2 weeks, she has been popping right in front of me in different places, which got me thinking, and checking out what she’s been up to through social media channels.

We are not friends on fb or on social media, as i recall fb was non-existent when we use to sleep over each other’s etc.

And as it turns out, friends on my platforms have friends who are common friends with her, so it wasn’t such a hard job to find out where she’s been and what she’s been up to.

We go back to kindergarten. We use to hang out with each other all the time. Our parents became friends because we were inseparable . She was really where I would spend most of my time.

She was there when that girl in class was so jealous of me and we use to plot against her haha. She was there when I had my first sense of fashion, and she even got influenced by mine. We also did have that jealousy phase between each other. I use to come tell mom about it and the latter would just sit with me, explain how at our age, we are building our personalities and we do these things, we get jealous, we get irritated at times, but after all, she use to say, you are good friends, that’s what matters most, right?

And i’d just pack up my honest, simple heart, and meet her the next day, hang out as we claimed to our parents we were “studying together”:D

*i smile at the thought of how we’d just hang out and watch teli, or gossip a bit about stuff or what party we’ll be invited to.*

Then, one day out of the blue, been years together, she’s diagnosed with Diabetes. At the time, yes it was treatable and all, but, it was still something that altered your lifestyle, something that would make you think twice about going outdoors to bike or whatever because an injury for a diabetic person is tricky, or dangerous. Not as casual as it is today with all those high-tech, easy to carry, use and measure equipment. Times were different then really on that aspect, even though i am only 27 today, things jump started quite a bit since my teen years.

Back then, it also meant needles, and her responsibility to keep balancing that insulin level, detect hypo-or hyper-glycemia and keep a candy at hand just in cases..I know, no matter what she thought, it was hard on her. I don’t recall us talking about it, or how she dealt with it… for all i know she may have just surpassed it better than i’ll ever know. But, what i seem to remember – which honestly i have no idea why i remember all these details now that i decided to blog about it “shortly”- is that around that same time diabetes came up in her life, we had become a more “open” circle, where more, different friends came into our friendship.. Things were already changing on the friends front at the same time as her diabetes then.

I was feeling uneasy, hurt and cut deep, as now my one on one time, my “own best” friend as we saw it at that age, was preferring to spend more and more time with these new friends. Besides the fact that i was and still am a generous person who invests i others, especially friends, she was everything to me…

but apparently, not so much in hers? She was choosing to spend time with those friends who in my head, did not know her as much as i did. I liked them, but to be completely honest, i kind of knew that we were different, like, i knew, at 13-14 years of age, they were not my tribe, not those i’d entirely click with.

They chased things that did not really tempt me, read or followed news i was not entirely into or even slightly now as i try to recall, but it was fine with me, i could be a good sport and learn a bit more about what interested them.

But god knows how much i tried to play along. I wasn’t annoyed by them, but i just felt they were different. In their hearts, we carried still the same innocence and good up bringing, but in their heads, in our heads:

me and them- things were different, priorities differed, shallowness differed, what we wanted in life differed even at that age… and so, Mariah and I .. we began to drift apart.

It was a slow process, she became more friends with them slowly, then her mom also became friends with their parents who also led quite a different lifestyle than ours at home..

Now, what I draw from that context today is:

Holding a grudge really does nothing but shrink your world in this life you lead.

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A few months back, I bumped into her at a beauty salon. I was in a different room, but the corner of my eye caught her. I realised then, i am not someone who carries grudges or who ever aims to carry one against whoever it was.

Since then, look at me, having you people here, my people on my good day email chain, my huge circles here in lebanon to the uk, to canada, south africa, the netherlands.. to around the world where my friend now are.

Life ladies and gents.. leaves no man behind,  NO MAN BEHIND:)

Also, Not all people are meant to stay in your life: today i look at her, her circle of friends, her life, and I just don’t feel i belong there:)

It takes time to accept, but it will come, have some faith!

Like, i bet every one of you has a certain person or group of persons who they think they like, or they think ouh wonder what it would feel like to be part of their group, but then, you realise you wouldn’t be wearing shoes you are comfortable in every single day, or every single night you hang out with them.

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PS:

I’d love to dedicate this blog post to E., whom i had promised to email yet still did not..and for other reasons she told me about;) Hope this post gives you a breath of fresh air by the time i reply to your email legitimately;)

With all my love,

Joy

Apr.27, 2017 at 12.39am

It’s Happening, Yup, whilst you think “no:O, I’m Planning It”!

My most beautiful people:

I M.i.s.s. y.o.u :D<3 ; It’s “us” time!!

I have a zillion deadlines i need to meet as our summer semester in uni comes to closure; yet, it’s *us* time.

I need it, you do too, your emails, messaging, dropping by on my media and space signals me that. I can also feel you .. here’s one sign that i really truly do:

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I cannot believe i am here now, ditching all else, the life have-to-dos to be on here, feeling as amazing as i do, blogging, sharing a piece of my life with you- it’s been a while and i have so much.

I’ll try to divide them across a couple posts tonight, if you have the time, stay tuned and give me a chance at being your good company? I’d be delighted to have you ‘spend the eve in’, with you lot, the night before my birthday;)

PS :

My sis, Sadness, already thinks i’m growing more and more ‘spiritual’ and an out-of-this-world kind of being who lives in her own planet of positivity and kindness and allgoodthings, in my newly found habits, practices, feeling others, and chill-ness about almost everything and anything frustrating. So, now i’m sure she’d be thinking i’m going nut-tily emotional with virtual, imaginary friends of mine as she would tease about my blogging:OO hihi  (A)

But no worries,  i promise, i told her all about most of you, she knows you’re more real than anybody i know, yep, you: Deb, Tea, Robert, Steph, Ishita, Paardje, The Seeds for Life, madinplainsight … and all of you new followers i haven’t had the chance yet to really get to know you.

 

  • Cici (pronounced like, “sea-sea”):

I hadn’t seen a friend of mine in more than a year, until we met on Saturday July 30th 2016 at the phenomenal Engagement of one of our dearest, dearest friends from uni.

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We had lovely, refreshing, thought-provoking sharings and chats during the ride to the South of Lebanon on a Saturday eve to get ourselves to the much-awaited engagement;

we talked endlessly throughout the evening, until Cici said one thing that lit a light bulb in my head, it just stuck there until today, when I sat and actually blogged about it here to you.

 

So we were catching up .. on where life took us, in what directions, professionally, academically, socially, and intimately; from one convo to the next, and then she said so assertively and realistically,

“Yes it’s so true true .. Life is happening as we are planning[…]”

Ladies and Gents:

shouldn’t we live a little more? plan a little less?

because the time we’re using to “plan” how to make better use of our time and energy and life is actually time wasted from the now we live in? Isn’t it?

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Cici has been with her partner for the past 6.5 years, 7 in a month’s time. I asked, how did you get through, 7 years?! Wow, wow, i am truly amazed! Knowing- please: that for all that time, she’s been in Lebanon, while he’s in the USA (time difference is the least of their worries i’d bet!), building the brightest future he can see, for himself, his children, and wife to be. She was/is doing the exact same, developing herself and growing.

Tough call, huh?

We don’t always get it easy in life; we just don’t, it’s life, no problem though: each of us, each one, has their story, their very own, you’d know it and that more than anyone, won’t you? –

Ambitious though? Determined? Focused? Hell yes.

I don’t think I ever said that to her or her partner, knowing both are jewels in my life – but here’s my chance, finally having the courage so genuinely too, to post and announce it here to them:

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I admire the both of them, the courage, the persistence, the faith in life’s ways.. big time big time big time.

 

🙂

I mean..getting over the sort of challenges they faced, and those are only the external challenges we saw or knew of !?

They have been more away from each other than together in the same geographic location really; but that night, she had breaking news:

Cici was accepted and fully funded for a PhD in the USA, when neither she nor her partner expected or planned for things to turn and work out that way.

Fate?

Grace?

Hard work and dedication over the long-term?

Will power?

Luck? … (*Add in your/more suggested words and thought here provoked by the couple’s story*)

This is where she said, life happens as we are planning or trying to plan it… 

Heat of the moment, I thought this was beautiful, it spurred in me a certain feeling i try to put for you in words here (so that’s me now talking to life at that exact time):

{You know what you’re doing , don’t you? Cici and her partner F.R. have been trying to plan, plan, and plan just a little more, hoping that actually being together in the same space would become real,

and there you wandered off, completely on your own, as they thought they were planning YOU! You little sneaky but beautiful surprise, you gave it to them, after 7 years, on a silver platter ( did not say Gold here as they will still be 3 hours apart by plane as i was told, hehe nonetheless :D:D!!) }

We just need to cease the opportunity(-ies); keep fidgeting; email, google, meet them others, inquire, be open to others, to people, to your dreams, ambitions, to idols you think are too high up the ladder to be reached.. let us be happy for them rather than be jealous.

Why Not?;

Why not be happy for others? deeply, truly, wholly, genuinely, with the good nature of a human being? We could be that, we all could, for jealousy does not bring you whatever it is you envy, does it? 

  • Selim and Nidale:

On July 28th, 2 days prior to the Engagement of our dear friend above in the pic, Mum and I went up to a home furniture and home décor, artisanal-oriented boutique, but one that sells, crafts, and/or ships very rare, unique pieces, most are hand-made, and not even manufactured anymore in their places of origin like this little pill box, hand-crafted:

Selim, the passionate owner of the boutique, has a passion for beautiful objects, and people, and it so happened i was with my mum that evening to buy an engagement gift, and he insisted i take this precious box home with me as a gift.

His wife Nidale, runs the shop with him; they live in the floor right above. #simplelife #fulloflove.

I have not seen – EVER- two  people who love each other as much as this couple; and their love story, oh boy, I’ll never forget it.

These two gems are 68 and 63 (respectively: Selim and Nidale).

In their youth, they were WILD, literally, WILD and YOUNG and FREE (yes just like the song indeed).

To their era, they were so open, as they dedicated their life, each on his/her own at first, to dancing. But, not any dancing: they represented LEBANON, their home country, in Canada, as they belonged to a folkloric dance studio.

Lebanese “Dabke (our traditional dance) was their passion, their LIFE.

They both left their family at a very early age, when their dance studio asked each of them, in his/her respective team, to join the one team summoning the studio’s elite dancers, to travel to Canada, to teach the Dabke tradition to expats: children, youth, adults, and elderly too!

They had never danced on the same team, but apparently, as uncle (‘3ammo’ is the equivalent Arabic term used to familiarize a stranger who is so friendly and warm like) Selim and aunty Nidale had ‘a thing’ from a distance, as they practiced with the dance group in Lebanon.

Life then intervenes, again, this time giving Selim and Nidale Love on a golden platter: the trip to Canada, the adventure and thrill of mingling with expats missing their home country so much, had lasted enough years (TEN!), which allowed both of them to marry, in Canada, as they both continued doing their own thing, pursuing their most sincere, authentic passion: Lebanese Dabke Dance.

They both then moved back to Lebanon, where they had 3 children, two of which live in Canada now, and one is in Lebanon.

(PS: To be true to you my people, i tried asking the couple for a photo, as they told me the story in the boutique they looked to gorgeous, heart-warming, and 3ammo Selim even flipped open his Nokia, old-fashioned signature phone to show me photos of his gorgeous bride ! Unfortunately yet so sweetly, aunty Nidale tells me,

Forgive me Dear but no photos tonight please, i have not done my hair, and Selim is not allowed to pose for any photos without me”.

Then, she went on to show me pictures on her antique mobile as well, of herself, when she was in her 20s, all pretty and dolled up, dancing her life out.)

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My heart melted; seeing them .. and how life worked its magic for 45 YEARS to-date.

You tell me, how does their story make you feel? (*sigh*:)

 

 

  • Tati and Santiago

In the same themes of this post: Life, Engagement event, Cici’s breaking news, being happy for others, giving…

I was at the farewell of Cici a week later from the Engagement. I had the chance to re-unite with some old uni mates, particularly a certain Tati.

She was with someone that night, a man i recognize only from her social media and timeline.. where i also knew she was struggling and has been for a while, to move mountains.. why? what? how?

Long story short, she is a Lebanese (non-European), trying to find a good job in Europe, enough said, don’t you think? The simple and really logical reality is, Europe today is looking after itself and itself only and mostly (especially post-2008 crisis), so it cannot really afford anymore, the opportunities and advantages it used to give to foreigners, like it did before.

Now, Tati and I got the chance to chat, she introduced me to Santiago, Mr.-mysterious on her social media 😉 He was absolutely adorable for one particular reason in my eyes:

the whole time, from the time of introduction to the time when we said goodbye at the end of the eve, Tati was all he talked, bragged, and smiled about. It was beautiful to watch them, truly.

Turns out,

  1. Them too were already engaged!
  2. On that farewell night, Tati had just gotten two job offers in Switzerland, not only that, but those offers would leave her only an hour away or less from her fiance!

Would you tell me about Life now? Would you give this story a Golden or silver, or perhaps bronze platter? 

🙂

I was genuinely thrilled, thrilled to see how life challenged them yes, but then to see how it so generously gave back to them, as they just gave more love and determination, will power, hard work, commitment, and love into each other’s lives..

Now, i thought of the flip-side too, honestly i did that night as i drove back home, listen:

Knowing the situation in Lebanon, growing more difficult economically and politically by the minute, i thought to myself:

how many friends of mine, acquaintances, have been struggling for years now with finding a decent post, salary, and life despite their good qualifications…

How do you think they, and even us sometimes, me included, would have looked at Tati and Santiago, Selim and Nidale, Cici and F.R., and/or many other ‘success stories’ similar to those in my life shared above, and they would just envy them, or maybe they just self-wondered, why do they get to get it all?

Why does it work out for them? or for one of them just like that?

‘Just like that’ is how we all see it, isn’t it?

We don’t see the entire iceberg when we look at people’s lives because all we see is that tip, that happiness that comes in at the end, and which is all people share in their lives really-

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Look at all the Facebook lives and Instagram accounts, Snap chat stories, and photos.

Does anyone take a photo of himself or herself when they’re in a depression, or crushed, or in their own shadows? Rarely, or for certain purposes, .. right?

Most of my Facebook has happy relationships, lives, smiles, family gatherings, achievements, awards and ceremonies, *sparkle times* as i love calling them:)

Ladies, or gents, a moment of truth tonight, I nakedly stand here and ask myself and You guys, my people:

How many times did you look at others, really, honestly, and thought to yourself:

Why are they achieving miracles?

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And i’m still waiting on mine? ,

Why do they get this or that and that?,

While i remain stuck here and there for years? and i keep getting lost and then find myself, then find hope and then lose it to find it again as i struggle then overcome challenges then fight for my life and balance again, but then hit rock bottom before another incident knocks me down again?

…all whilst others seemingly are getting all they ever wished for, living La Vie en Rose !

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We are humans,

And our mind goes on and on and on for ages, days, weeks and years sometimes, making us envious, making us think it has defeated us, when the truth is:

the mind has no power, it’s all in you and how much you give it and how you adjust your own sails you were equipped with from the day you were born.

It’s okay, i forgive myself for being egoistic sometimes, and i think you should too. I forgive even people closest to me sometimes, whom i look at in certain situations and I think to myself:

you know what, you are so full of yourself, why would you want to envy what others have achieved, or received, life is about giving NOT taking.

And when you give, really give, this is when things and blessings more specifically will flow back to you, ten folds! 

I’m actually reading an extraordinary Book now on “givers” in life v/s “takers” and “matchers” (these last try to find the balance between not giving so naively, and not being entirely arrogant or as self-centered as “takers”:

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{Adam Grant- Why helping others drives our success: Give and Take}

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dedicated to all humans on this platform, who accept and admit their faults;

we admit we are not perfect, but we have our eye and hearts focused on the greater good, on that angel of ours rather than the devil on our shoulder.

Goodness is rare, it comes from within, and it can only be safeguarded by being the authentic you, true to yourself, the closest possible to the beautiful human you were created to be on this earth, in this life.

 

All my love,

Joy

Aug. 19, 2016; 7.32pm

 

 

 

 

 

How to know you’re Blessed

Hello there! Couldn’t stay away for too long this time:$

Oh well, truth be told, it’s getting late on my side of the world [as in 1.30 am late), yet i am sleepless for some reason..

Playing a playlist of Zen music in attempts to fall asleep but…too high on life, hehe 🙂 Those who know me know me i.e. in real life would definitely say YES to that (A);

I reckon even My People  would agree too, those who are on my Good Day mailing list

(this last by the way started as a humble chain of kindness, few names on there, yet apparently now turning into a beautiful ‘secret society’ as some of the most genuine friends among My People referred to it it this week:)

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So here i am sat with Fluffy, resorting to you on our beautifully-shared platform, to share a piece of where my mind wanders.

Lesson of the week:

Blessings come in words, actions, thoughts, and/or signs (silent or loud- all the same), we just got to keep an eye for them! Life is beautiful, absolutely beautiful to have a heart beat:))

You know you are blessed, when even before the week is over, even before it has been 7 days since u invested in 1 act of kindness and mindfulness, you are overwhelmed with messages of kindness, appreciation, self-fulfillment… and life opens up, it just lights up

i.e. when you feel so loved simply because you “touched” another life , another.

..even from those people you thought of as: grumpy, irritated, uptight…let alone those already sweet and explicit and straight forward in expressing their emotions in life.

  1. I sent out my usual Good Day Email this morning; that was it today:
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Woke up feeling particularly grateful today, really beautiful feeling:) couldn’t keep it to myself so sharing it with you My People. Let’s have Faith in life and its ways – no matter what i going on right now in ur day, week, or life. There’s always someone watching out for you, in action, prayer, or thought-always..and these do count: I ave reaped their effects and it’s surreal but actually real. 

The ripple effect on my people toady in particular, felt special, amazing, in the lines of a powerful, loaded blessing like this:

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We all know how challenging it can get to ditch the bad mood you woke up in, don’t we?

And the below too, partly in Arabic  – the official language here in Lebanon:

(last Arabic word = “today”)

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2. In my post yesterday (here), i did tell you how i “invested” in my people..in the smallest of ways this week and the past one;

So have a look at how my week went by, and tell me if they make any one, even the grumpiest person ever, feel good about themselves and propped up, for real, or not:

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(Arabic translation: Thank you from the bottom of my heart; I am completely speechless, Thank you so very much.)

3. I had not added anyone to my Good Day mailing list for months..  Knowing i have a vow since April 2015 to add 1 person every day, yup, i was frustrated deep down as to why i have no one new on there for a while now. I did not force it though.’coincidentally’- NOT, only a week ago, look what happened:

In the first 3 days of the week only, I had already added: S.G., J.S., J.A, M.A, S.B…& counting and their reactions …. !!!

PS:

Someone very special is finally visiting Lebanon again tomorrow ad i cannot wait to see them! I think that counts as legit driver of insomnia, right?:$;)

My people, my beautiful circle, my strength, and the only ones who keep me going here on this blog and in life:

Time flies,

days pass by,

we may not pass from here again,

let’s spread love, kindness, and

share all we would love to say to someone while we are still at it, this life, this health we now have – even if we think it’s not really a good “health” or “life”..

 

With all my love,

Joy

May 13, 2016 at 1.48am

Loved this: your dose of love

By Sean Stephenson: (just ‘met’ him today)

No words..I’d be selfish not to share how this made me feel tonight.

Tough life – yes MANY times; Losing Purpose and Drive- YES heck YES;

Loving yourself attracts you to you-ALWAYS,

and You to your once in a lifetime kind of people –

a system of support that makes every minute of life- worth.

 

With all my love,

Joy

Apr.26, 2016; 11.39pm

A Secret Ingredient

🙂

Sharing an interesting, recent life mix of: Loneliness, Hope, Reflections, and Love.

Happy Easter my beautiful people;

celebrating or not this holiday, I hope we all had a ‘fair’ amount of time: to mend, to take care of ourselves, and to enjoy the things and people we cherish most in our busy, sometimes overwhelming lives.

I am compelled to share one gem to take away tonight:

 

A Movie Recommendation: Unconditional (link below)

Came across this movie by chance tonight. No words can possibly express how it spoke to me, truly. Powerful, beautiful, realbased on a true story of someone who chose, like us on this platform, to share their story, perhaps it may help others:)

 

My Lessons of the Day (if you have the time, please do read-on):

I had met my beautiful friend since high school, E.G. earlier this afternoon. Honestly, I had been procrastinating our catch-up for weeks on end to be very honest, justified horribly by: “i’m too busy/overworked, stressed “etc. you get the idea.

Our exchange … left us both ‘cured’. For real.

Lesson #1:

All it took was the will, the nudge forward to actually meet up, selflessly investing an hour of our time in one another.

Highlight of our catch-up: we brainstormed on new, practical plans to launch in this upcoming month, for a more interesting, enriching life outside of work/other commitments life imposes on us more often than not:

I, Joy, have the expansion of my Blogging learning curve & the self-enjoyment/fulfillment that comes wrapped within those, in the lines of new acts of kindness I can/shall coin for My People (Stay tuned for those!);

while E.G. has a good amount of amusing investigation to discover something she loves to do, for herself, not for anything or anyone else and start it. It’s time for new options on the table of life!

Not by coincidence, this past week was also blessed with the visit of a precious friend E.H.; I did not get the chance to tell him though things I’d also love you, my people, to hear:

Lesson #2:

I urge you to always knock the doors, even when you’re not sure who or what will be on the other end;

1.I began to fall in love with the Bloggers’ community I am exploring online day in, day in!

I would just love it if everyone now ‘meets’ my new friends here on the blogging platforms: Steph and Tea especially :D:D

Beautiful, beautiful people, stories, and moral support.

2.Opening up this Blog and posting on it merely to share my story with “others” who share my cup of tea in life, is the best thing I EVER did in my life so far.

Every new notification on here gives me the chills and every new blogger i discover close to my outlook to life and character gives me reason to celebrate, be thankful, and smile every single day.

3. The “we only truly grow through others” Life Lesson & Self-help tip ‘driving’ this Blog wins yet again:

I wanted to give my students (first through third year undergraduates) a special, professional guest-speaker for their Marketing Modules, so i spread the word genuinely across my humble network of people- no one renowned or hotshot trust me.

Within 6 days, exactly, I was referred to, met, and chatted with my confirmed Speaker – a hotshot, regional Marketing  Professional in one of the biggest Holdings in the Middle East, R.B.

Hearing my genuine mission with students in my first year as an academic, and sensing my excited intentions to share with our students something ‘practical, memorable and engaging’, he is now willing to share his story, expertise, and knowledge for no return – at a date we assign with our university. I cannot wait to see how we’ll get on with this!

Talk about investing through “others”? What do you think? How else could I have currently grown in my mission as instructor and academic officer of my students at the British School of Business, if not by asking “others”, valuing or  recognizing “others”, genuinely appreciating them, being interested in what drives them, and hearing or learning from “others”in the networks of my people?

🙂 I rest my case for tonight on this one.

Lesson #3:

In the loneliest times of all, you’re never really alone. Love is the most powerful thing on Earth and I’ve seen what it can do.”

I learned not to ever again underestimate the Love of our “special people” and how much it allows them to understand us.

I learned not to ever again underestimate how much putting the ‘small’ yet crucially-needed effort to see a good friend (you don’t see every day because of ‘life’) over for a Coffee/Tea can do you good and release you from weeks of ‘not-such-a great’ relationship with life.

I learned to always live simply- literally; that is, communicate all grey thoughts or areas you may have because only by honest expression and naked truths, do two people really strengthen and build-on their relationship.

I am sure it was no coincidence at all that, as I felt I could not understand life perfectly these past two weeks, the right people next to me, E.G and E.H. were here for me, when I thought I was the one who should be/is here for them.. but then I realized,

Lesson#4: The Secret Ingredient

Soulmates… 🙂 the blessing I recently understood right.

A true Soulmate is not a perfect fit it seems! It’s more of, a mirror, the person who show you everything that is holding you back,

the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

[…Soulmates] tear down your walls and smack you awake […].

They come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

[They] shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions,

break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life[…]“.

 

Always eager to know your thoughts..:)

With all my love,

Joy

March 29, 2016.

 

The Letter to Fear

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Dearest friends, My People,

A couple conversations about every day struggles and life were initiated this past week of March 7-12, 2016 with individuals very close to my heart, and they made me realize 1 thing:

this platform was initiated because it is about You, my people; so i figured I always share things that were/are attached to people in my circle of experiences, with you, to reflect on or relate to one way or another, but why not allocate now and then, a space for your direct voice and contribution?

I am expecting 2 sharing-s to be delivered into my inbox the next week; two sharing-s i can cut and paste as is onto our platform here, in the name of their respective writers/the persons undergoing this experience wrote-out for us.

And we’ve agreed to put them out here, maybe their voice too helps you one way or another in your life.

So, today, i received a very special something from a certain N.J.

He’s a past acquaintance, someone I have not met in a long while, yet whom i know, has gotten to this point in life: the point where not all people are…that point of a little bit more wisdom and a little bit more understanding of life, what truly matters in it, and how to live it up- literally, regretting absolutely nothing and not dwelling on absolutely any challenge or low point. Simply, he’s so energized with a ‘positivity overload’ that nothing is impossible.

I am compelled to share the words with you, and customized them a bit into the Joy- framework; please, meet:

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I encourage you all, if you are feeling stuck, to sit down one of these days and write your own letter to your own fear. But before you do that, here’s an even more interesting exercise: Allow your fear to write a letter to YOU.

I do this every once in a while, when I’m feeling particularly shaky and unsure of myself.

[Yes, even the “Joy” you met in Blog Post #1 has fears within her ..]

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I give my fear a chance to express itself, formally, in writing. I ask my fear, “What are you actually terrified about, in this situation?” And I make a effort of listening, with respect.

(It’s amazing how seldom we do this — listen to our fear, with respect. We’re always trying to punch it in the face, or kick its ass, or run away from it. But we seldom let it speak.)

I’m always amazed by what comes up. Often, I think I know what I’m afraid of, but when my fear is given a chance to actually speak, I’m surprised at what the real issue is.

The other thing I keep learning, when I let my fear have a chance to make its case, is that my fear is not (contrary to how it often feels) BOTTOMLESS. Fear and anxiety can feel like they have infinite depths, like they are afraid of EVERYTHING, but usually they are just afraid of 2 or 3 very specific things, once you look closely. And sometimes those 2 or 3 three things are pretty reasonable. Usually, the letter that my fear writes to me is quite short, and very precise.

And once I see what those 2 or 3 issues are, what I’m actually afraid of…well, now we can talk about it. Like adults. Like friends.

And that’s when I can write a letter back to fear, thanking it for its thoughts and contributions, but gently explaining what we are going to do now that all the information has been reported.

I know it sounds freaky — to be writing letters to and from various aspects of yourself…but remember: None of us is a SELF; we are all MANY SELVES. What we call a “self” is just a wild mishmash combination of lots and lots of different parts and competing voices. (Anyone who has ever negotiated with herself/himself about whether or not she/he will be going to the gym today knows this: we are a veritable auditorium of rival voices and contrasting opinions.)

But if you can approach all these rival selves with a spirit of friendly curiosity, it can make your head into a more peaceful neighborhood.

It’s all about communication, people. It’s all about communication.

Start with your fear. Ask it what it wants, what it doesn’t want, and why it’s so desperately holding you back from what your creativity and your courage might be asking you to attempt.

Let your fear speak.

Let it write you a letter.

Read the letter with open-minded and open-heart-ed affection.

And then write back to your fear with love and kindness, and respectfully explain your new plan.

Your fear should always be allowed to have a voice, and a seat in the vehicle of your life.

But whatever you do — don’t let your fear DRIVE.

Truly yours,

Joy

March 12, 2016 ; 5:52pm.