Losing a friend: how to think

March 13, 2016:

I missed my Good Day Email to you this morning, and I am sorry for making you wait for it till late this evening.
To be very honest, I received devastating news that left me speechless and non-focused, on anything.
I’ll be short:
a very very dear friend of mine, Chady, 29,  passed away last night in a car accident.
I truly can’t push myself to share more right now, but all i wish to ask is for your prayers- in any way You pray.
I may not understand it now, nor his family, but it’s a piece of the puzzle we are yet to understand.
It hurts. a lot. It is surreal, weird, frustrating, but it’s okay.
And i say that very convincing-ly:¬†I have Faith that God knows what he’s doing.
As for each one of you tonight:
a message from the bottom of my sad heart goes out to you, with my beloved, cherished friend at the heart of my lesson:
Please,
express your love,
show your care and excitement,
share your fears, desires, and worries at every chance or moment you get
because we may be here today, but overnight not be.
Just like that… just like that.
IMG_0529
Let everyone know everything about you,
or a lot about what’s going on in your brain, behaviour, intentions, and heart
because YOU¬†are authentic and when you’re not here anymore, someone still here will know who you truly are and how you make them feel
because you shared your true self: sincerely, explicitly, freely;
let go of things, for everyone around you to have a piece of you, the broken and whole you, to have an effect on another being, to inspire, learn, or touch.
You know, the truth is:
I know Chady because he always confides¬†to me, of all people he may see so frequently-physically that is, ¬†I was one of those who got a ‘special’ part of him, that i am sure of.
In¬†all the times when he was broken, struggling to achieve things in this ‘lousy’, tough life we may all sometimes lead- with me being away and/or next to him- I always knew about his thoughts first. Not even his closest friends know how much we use to confide in one another…especially when I was abroad.
And the times when he ‘felt’ broken when we talked were more than i can count; as many as the all of us I bet.
He was not broken though, he¬†just¬†‘felt’ it – the distinction is key; like you and i feel it more often than not, right?
The ironic, sweet bit is that like the name of this blog, Chady always overcame life “through others”, by keeping his close ones close.
He kept in touch, gave so much, invested in people;
he also scolded me so much for not making enough time to write him at times when life carried us away from each other.
He never ever failed to express how i meant to him, how much, or how any one person in his life meant to him.
He never failed to put himself out there, for us others to accept him as he is, or not to.
With all the above, I know he’s happy and will always be exactly where he belongs.
To My people, to every one of you, and to Chady’s family and friends:
If you’re still alive,¬†reading this, playing your sports, writing your work, sculpting your piece, reviewing your accounts, or singing your song in this life;
if I am still alive, and if you have a beating heart,
its because we are meant to be Alive,
meant to be breathing, here, next to our little community, wherever that is or with whomever that includes.
We are meant to go through this particular difficulty, the other, other, and the other one..
Maybe even over and over.
We are meant to have this depression, trauma, these scars in life.
This helplessness.
This bottom-of-the-pit feeling.
This heartache.
This confusion.
This abstractness.
This seemingly- never ending sorrow.
This helplessness or devastation, better yet, maybe even both.
YES.¬†We are meant to as long as we still have a breath to take, we have a life to lead and people to impact, to talk to, to share a¬†smile…
and people to love, to hate, to be there for, to learn from.
Suck it all in, yes…that includes all the bad times because you¬†have this burden but you’ve remained “alive”¬†for a reason.
You must keep searching for this reason throughout all that you do in your life until the time comes and you pass away;
Only then, do you really have the “alibi” to give up;
to let it weigh down on you;
Only when you lose your life and it’s no longer in your hands-physically.
Suck it in because every morning, God does not forget to wake you up for a new morning-rain or sun it’s your new morning and you should care less.
You’re there to meet new people, your everyday colleagues/classmates, new faces¬†on your way to work and uni,
you’re there to see the¬†beauty of that little bird chirping in the parc or on the street leading to your workplace/studio,
there to see that duck in the lake with its little ducklings lining up behind¬†it learning about what dangers to expect in their ‘simple’ life.
It’s about the little details of life.
Please be mindful of them.
Be mindful.
No one, trust me, NO ONE is not broken, or has not been Broken and bent.
Stop pity-ing yourself.
Stop letting yourself fall into despair,
because it drags you down.
Everyone has traumas and problems and trust issues and love-dramas and work-clashes and physical, psychological abuses in their life. Every one. How do i know?
We are more alike than we think and i allow myself to say that because i have had for the past two years more than 70-80 people confide in me and me alone.
So yes, i know the deeper stuff of the above number of people (representative or not you be the judge),¬†but¬†i can tell you what I’ve had and it has told me that we are more alike than we think.
If you feel like you wish you could die of all your troubles right now, or every day,
Well: please think again.
Think again tonight, for me.. for our lovely Chady.
If you were meant to ‘evade’ these hardships, you would have been dead by now, don’t you think?
If your body cannot take it, then it would have biologically shut down one way or another.
63275_20130316_075009_321
Yet to-date, it did not.
It may have for some other people, but to you, it did not yet, so we need to learn how to celebrate this blessing, together.
Given that has not yet happened, then why do you insist on forcing it to shut down? Why? Think about that, would you please?
As for me, well, i was still refraining from coming all forward to you guys here and on my blog about losing my Chady tonight because i did not know what to think.
I’ve spent all day wiping away random thoughts and a lot of tears, lost as to what or how should i ¬†think, ignoring more and more messages coming in from a certain WhatsAp Group that Chady had created a short while back only because i was too devastated to express myself, let alone hear more of people who like ¬†me, don’t know what to think or how to deal with this.
This same WhatsAp Group, then gave me an idea:
I have you, My People on this Blog, but not being a fan of WatsAp myself, i lacked ways to express things on that WhatsAp Group…
So I used your help, on this platform, to reach out and console all my friends on that Group tonight, by asking them to join our platform, in honour of Chady.
I told them about our platform, our blog, something i have been hesitating to do with everyone because i am still unsure about launching the all of it. But you, My People, give me strength, and tonight, it was Chady’s sign that showed me what i should exactly do.
He gave me strength and the courage to open up, to re-evaluate my standpoint in the face of difficulties;
Chady tonight let me think and learn the following:
Your time is now, do, say, act, express everything to every one.
Go the extra mile because if you do not today, you may not be here to do it tomorrow.
Put in that little effort to express gratitude, love, care, kindness, mindfulness.
Dedicate time to those things, hobbies, and activities that define the authentic You 
because: that is all people will remember when you pass onto the other side. 
Those Chady-things are indeed all I remember tonight, as i finally bring my floating, lost thoughts to a solid closure, hoping it could help others deal with his loss as well.
To you My People, I genuinely have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by sharing how my passed away friend taught me how to think when i lose someone so dear.
Here i am as i am, and those i love and aim to be there for ,will /should understand where i am coming from in this post and all other lessons that touched me through my people.
I’d love to leave you with something I shared once (few months back), when my country was in crisis and¬†friends of mine- religious and not- were deeply touched by (especially N.L);
i am compelled to share it again tonight, hoping it would help touch more people who do not understand so many things in this life, like i don’t tonight, but my loss is actually¬†helping me get there:

5.jpg

Sincerely yours,
Joy
March 13, 2016; 10.43pm
Advertisements