Missing

Missing

🛣I looked at the world from the streets last night and felt like something big is missing.

🚍What if we were living forward bulldozing through life instead of outward growing through others sharing feelings, talent, love, kindness, passions, compassion, hobbies, experiences?

📽Why do we walk, run, or drive past each other not blinking twice, not saying a mere “hi” that might just make us see that:

🤸🏻‍♀️we aren’t actually the only ones who had a bad day, month or week;

🏋🏼‍♂️not the only ones with financial and mental health problems;

👦🏽👧🏽or the only ones who lost a parent or a sibling or a leg or a lover or a golden opportunity to start over?

⛱Why do we resort to impatience over patience, racism over tolerance, judging on labels of religion or nationality or gossips over soul and actions that speak for themselves?

🌹What if the big thing missing was me/you living to Give more and Do more, for others we meet- no expectation for a reward moral or material.

🗣Why are we wired to refrain or abstain from sharing, opening up, caring, loving, being kind, smiling… and all things that we know make us feel Good, and instead we run away, far, close doors, build higher walls?

🕵🏼‍♀️.. is It really Fear of getting hurt or pain or of breaking or being deceived? so, Why then would we almost always opt for “staying alive” when things go wrong or when we almost lose our chance to live as we “rush” to tick things off our bucket list feeling i needed more time to make things right.

🕺🏼Isn’t it part of being a “human” to live on all extremities and edges, to know what is pain, losing, heart breaking, starting over, being tricked or cheated, used, and hurt…

👑And, we do take alllll of these risks knowing that we shall touch the surface of what “Real love” or real caring feels like, or touch what kindness as a lifestyle looks like as someone extends it every 1 day of our existence!

🕶Don’t we take all these risks in return for the feeling of spending an extra night with someone we lost or someone ill?

🦋Arent we okay with taking these risks if it means feeling alive, getting a second chance at living life at large, like we never did until we hit that low or that loss or challenge in life ?

🐠I think i found it:

we need to be kinder and show it, accepting that if each of us was so, none will abuse as much or hate as much or feel as greedy as we all Do Today sometimes because we feel “threatened” by what the other may snatch away from us.

❤️The world was missing more “giving” and less snatching, more love and less fears of losing or dreading pain or error.

🧚🏼‍♀️Look around you, we all have family or friends who survived a traumatic incident story or relationship. Sometimes yes, things get out of hand and some people give up On life,

🥊but,

🥤Life goes on and most of us who have lost someone have also gained 10 others who were fighters and survivors against all Challenges life threw.

🤝Human nature fights for its survival. What do we little people then have to fear when nothing we are given is bigger than us to face- nothing, and that is a personal lesson i learned in all the hard yet beautiful ways.

💫☀️

#kindness #missingworld #onelife #motivation #foodforthought #pieceofmymind #love #pain

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Diagnosed..

Diagnosed..

To Aya,

My idol. I love you.

To you, my people. ❤

31 years old was her new milestone.

She knew exactly what scared her to the bone!

Because she has entered the so called “zone”..

where doctors change that tone;

Where most nightmares are sown,

To the human brain that stands always prone.

*Diagnosed.*

But as she anxiously awaited confirmation..

Benign was it, or malignant?

… {silence}.. Indignant!

Yet, there she was standing at the station,

Taking the train to tell the whole nation,

Trust me, you would do just anything..to alwaysknow.”

*Diagnosed.*

It changes a life,

Makes her live a strife,

As the news sure cuts like a knife…

Oh But her beauty!

Was nothing like a duty, as

She never asked..”Why me

Yet she called on the other bee,

To make her plea,

Before it was too late. Still..

It’s never too late or early to know“, she said..

*Diagnosed.*

Get rid of that ghost!

Go & have that check;

Pick your card from that deck,

If it’s a tumor you get,

You are still no wreck..

because you knew, you know

And can still glow.

*Diagnosed..*

In your own body,

Or If anyone else you embody..

You are not just somebody.

Yes you were *Diagnosed!*

But only to be the Strength,

That can stretch at length

To overcome this.

Yes you were *Diagnosed!*

To be the Message!

And the Passage,

Of someone whose path was a wreckage.

*Diagnosed..*

To be the Sign,

and the lucky Dime..

The Salvation from human frustration..

Over the littlest things, especially when:

Humanity loses track of what really matters in this glimpse of a life.

Yes, *Diagnosed!*

as Carrier of Life,

Whose fight  inspired just right,

The love to live to be fired;

And all those who now admired…

*Diagnosed…*

and the *Prognosis!*: 

Malignant! Indignant!

Malignant! Indignant!

Malignant! Indignant!

But all that don’t matter!!

Love yourself enough to know.

[…]

Go & have that check;

Pick your card from that deck,

If it’s a tumor you get,

You are still no wreck..

Because you knew, you know

And can still glow.

#breastcancerawareness #friendship #negativeturnedpositive #strength #weakness #mindbattle #love #selfcare

To Aya…an idol.

To every one of you my people..

To the ladies *diagnosed* and not,

To the men who have known someone close to heart *diagnosed*..

Words Won’t Come Out

You cry yourself to sleep,
Thinking your rock bottom is too deep,
But you have no time to weep.

You Wake up to a searing pain,
You have nothing to lose now,
but everything to gain.

You swung around the brink of death,
Building walls as high as the eiffel tower,
still, things, don’t feel in your power
Because..

Things dont feel in your power because a part of you is hollow,
And you drowned in the sorrow.
You built walls as high as the Eiffel tower;
And When nothing else was in your power,
You found refuge in … Words!
You found refuge in words and kindness,
That could create stars from all existing slyness;

Words that wouldn’t come out to tell Him,
..what really happened that night.

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Wholly yours,

Joy ❤

PS:

Originally inspired and written on the notes of my iPhone,  Feb. 9, 2018 at 3.03am.

It may have had a continuation, but this is where i stopped, so I stayed true to my inspiration and ended it exactly with what came out that night:)

cause you can only live true to yourself if you’re true to others, in this case, you my beautiful people.

March 15, 2018 at 9.48pm

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Beirut City Centre; Taken by me March 7, 2018. Spring.

Ideal World

They said I lived in an ideal world ..

where no tears or sadness could be heard.

They said I lived in an ideal world

where puzzles fell right into place

and … there was no need to stare into the open space,

to try and find the pace …

at which to live and love, to laugh and giggle.

They said I lived in an ideological world.

They said i didn’t see what it was really like..

the sorrow, the pain, the deception, the gain.

They said I lived in an ideal world…

yet even when they didn’t really say,

it’s the price I would pay…

to stand tall and say,

 

No! YOU don’t know what it’s like

that I choose to fight

You don’t know what it’s like when you have to pack light

even when you don’t see the light,

to pick yourself UP, out of bed every day alike,

choosing to end your struggle and play the boggle!

You..don’t know what it’s like,

to lose an ideal world

but choose not to follow the herd;

I know the ideal world because I lost that ideal.

 

At a moment in time,

there was less love, more hate,

less hope more rope.. tightening the grip against your hip.

I know that shattered ideal!..

when there was less beauty,

more scars and reality;

so NO! You don’t know that in an ideal world,

You gotta choose more trust, more spontaneity,

more love , more sharing, and much more caring.

No! YOU don’t know how to give anymore,

let alone trust your feelings and say they have no meaning!

They said I lived in an ideal world,

They said I haven’t seen shattered families,

broken bonds, distant and mechanical robotic reactions…

They said I lived in an ideal world,

haven’t been a kid in a broken home,

in a shell turned upside down,

searching for that frown ..

the frown that sea gave away when the shell turned deaf to the sound of its waves..

It breaks my heart to see that you don’t see,

I have been Up, Down, left, and right in my life,

yet every day, I dream BIGGER.

I choose sweeter. I love harder.

I hug tighter. I trust so much harder.

Because in an ideal world, the only Real Ideal is YOU.

And when you’re true to YOUR feelings,

You get to share my IDEAL WORLD 🙂

 

Truly yours,

Joy

Original written March 12, 2018 at 9.44pm

Posted: March 13,2018.

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Losing a friend: how to think

March 13, 2016:

I missed my Good Day Email to you this morning, and I am sorry for making you wait for it till late this evening.
To be very honest, I received devastating news that left me speechless and non-focused, on anything.
I’ll be short:
a very very dear friend of mine, Chady, 29,  passed away last night in a car accident.
I truly can’t push myself to share more right now, but all i wish to ask is for your prayers- in any way You pray.
I may not understand it now, nor his family, but it’s a piece of the puzzle we are yet to understand.
It hurts. a lot. It is surreal, weird, frustrating, but it’s okay.
And i say that very convincing-ly: I have Faith that God knows what he’s doing.
As for each one of you tonight:
a message from the bottom of my sad heart goes out to you, with my beloved, cherished friend at the heart of my lesson:
Please,
express your love,
show your care and excitement,
share your fears, desires, and worries at every chance or moment you get
because we may be here today, but overnight not be.
Just like that… just like that.
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Let everyone know everything about you,
or a lot about what’s going on in your brain, behaviour, intentions, and heart
because YOU are authentic and when you’re not here anymore, someone still here will know who you truly are and how you make them feel
because you shared your true self: sincerely, explicitly, freely;
let go of things, for everyone around you to have a piece of you, the broken and whole you, to have an effect on another being, to inspire, learn, or touch.
You know, the truth is:
I know Chady because he always confides to me, of all people he may see so frequently-physically that is,  I was one of those who got a ‘special’ part of him, that i am sure of.
In all the times when he was broken, struggling to achieve things in this ‘lousy’, tough life we may all sometimes lead- with me being away and/or next to him- I always knew about his thoughts first. Not even his closest friends know how much we use to confide in one another…especially when I was abroad.
And the times when he ‘felt’ broken when we talked were more than i can count; as many as the all of us I bet.
He was not broken though, he just ‘felt’ it – the distinction is key; like you and i feel it more often than not, right?
The ironic, sweet bit is that like the name of this blog, Chady always overcame life “through others”, by keeping his close ones close.
He kept in touch, gave so much, invested in people;
he also scolded me so much for not making enough time to write him at times when life carried us away from each other.
He never ever failed to express how i meant to him, how much, or how any one person in his life meant to him.
He never failed to put himself out there, for us others to accept him as he is, or not to.
With all the above, I know he’s happy and will always be exactly where he belongs.
To My people, to every one of you, and to Chady’s family and friends:
If you’re still alive, reading this, playing your sports, writing your work, sculpting your piece, reviewing your accounts, or singing your song in this life;
if I am still alive, and if you have a beating heart,
its because we are meant to be Alive,
meant to be breathing, here, next to our little community, wherever that is or with whomever that includes.
We are meant to go through this particular difficulty, the other, other, and the other one..
Maybe even over and over.
We are meant to have this depression, trauma, these scars in life.
This helplessness.
This bottom-of-the-pit feeling.
This heartache.
This confusion.
This abstractness.
This seemingly- never ending sorrow.
This helplessness or devastation, better yet, maybe even both.
YES. We are meant to as long as we still have a breath to take, we have a life to lead and people to impact, to talk to, to share a smile…
and people to love, to hate, to be there for, to learn from.
Suck it all in, yes…that includes all the bad times because you have this burden but you’ve remained “alive” for a reason.
You must keep searching for this reason throughout all that you do in your life until the time comes and you pass away;
Only then, do you really have the “alibi” to give up;
to let it weigh down on you;
Only when you lose your life and it’s no longer in your hands-physically.
Suck it in because every morning, God does not forget to wake you up for a new morning-rain or sun it’s your new morning and you should care less.
You’re there to meet new people, your everyday colleagues/classmates, new faces on your way to work and uni,
you’re there to see the beauty of that little bird chirping in the parc or on the street leading to your workplace/studio,
there to see that duck in the lake with its little ducklings lining up behind it learning about what dangers to expect in their ‘simple’ life.
It’s about the little details of life.
Please be mindful of them.
Be mindful.
No one, trust me, NO ONE is not broken, or has not been Broken and bent.
Stop pity-ing yourself.
Stop letting yourself fall into despair,
because it drags you down.
Everyone has traumas and problems and trust issues and love-dramas and work-clashes and physical, psychological abuses in their life. Every one. How do i know?
We are more alike than we think and i allow myself to say that because i have had for the past two years more than 70-80 people confide in me and me alone.
So yes, i know the deeper stuff of the above number of people (representative or not you be the judge), but i can tell you what I’ve had and it has told me that we are more alike than we think.
If you feel like you wish you could die of all your troubles right now, or every day,
Well: please think again.
Think again tonight, for me.. for our lovely Chady.
If you were meant to ‘evade’ these hardships, you would have been dead by now, don’t you think?
If your body cannot take it, then it would have biologically shut down one way or another.
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Yet to-date, it did not.
It may have for some other people, but to you, it did not yet, so we need to learn how to celebrate this blessing, together.
Given that has not yet happened, then why do you insist on forcing it to shut down? Why? Think about that, would you please?
As for me, well, i was still refraining from coming all forward to you guys here and on my blog about losing my Chady tonight because i did not know what to think.
I’ve spent all day wiping away random thoughts and a lot of tears, lost as to what or how should i  think, ignoring more and more messages coming in from a certain WhatsAp Group that Chady had created a short while back only because i was too devastated to express myself, let alone hear more of people who like  me, don’t know what to think or how to deal with this.
This same WhatsAp Group, then gave me an idea:
I have you, My People on this Blog, but not being a fan of WatsAp myself, i lacked ways to express things on that WhatsAp Group…
So I used your help, on this platform, to reach out and console all my friends on that Group tonight, by asking them to join our platform, in honour of Chady.
I told them about our platform, our blog, something i have been hesitating to do with everyone because i am still unsure about launching the all of it. But you, My People, give me strength, and tonight, it was Chady’s sign that showed me what i should exactly do.
He gave me strength and the courage to open up, to re-evaluate my standpoint in the face of difficulties;
Chady tonight let me think and learn the following:
Your time is now, do, say, act, express everything to every one.
Go the extra mile because if you do not today, you may not be here to do it tomorrow.
Put in that little effort to express gratitude, love, care, kindness, mindfulness.
Dedicate time to those things, hobbies, and activities that define the authentic You 
because: that is all people will remember when you pass onto the other side. 
Those Chady-things are indeed all I remember tonight, as i finally bring my floating, lost thoughts to a solid closure, hoping it could help others deal with his loss as well.
To you My People, I genuinely have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by sharing how my passed away friend taught me how to think when i lose someone so dear.
Here i am as i am, and those i love and aim to be there for ,will /should understand where i am coming from in this post and all other lessons that touched me through my people.
I’d love to leave you with something I shared once (few months back), when my country was in crisis and friends of mine- religious and not- were deeply touched by (especially N.L);
i am compelled to share it again tonight, hoping it would help touch more people who do not understand so many things in this life, like i don’t tonight, but my loss is actually helping me get there:

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Sincerely yours,
Joy
March 13, 2016; 10.43pm