“Balance” your life: How on earth?

Hello my Beautiful people!

I was coming in to tell you about proudly Completing my First Student Guidance Job with an Arts Student, Rowanne this week. Also wanted to tell you about my Week 1 Lessons at my new workplace and my second professional publication released at my new job in Economic Research (here), again not through my own account yet as i await for it to be set up,

but then i came across an Oct.30th Draft Post that never saw the light for some hesitation on my end. So i won’t edit anything in it, here it follows for you:

 

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That is 1 of my friends, R.K., in Pakistan, 4 days ago via my social media.

We  are all lost, most of the time, or chasing a new adventure or struggle to find the time for “me time”, are we not?

Have you ever thought, what if  i had this, did that, or had that..then i would be happy, free, etc..? 

I visited a Tibetan Monk few weeks ago. My new realization and thus a deep questioning of my own life was:

I did not have a healthy “balance” in my life.

Oh really, what a realisation Joy! For heaven’s sake, can anyone tell me please what does that mean? How can i get it? 

Julia Roberts speaks of it in her Eat, Pray, Love gorgeous movie, alright

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But ..

I tried googling it, researching it, praying for it – I still felt miserable, as helpless and clueless. I deteriorated. I was not well seeking it.

I wrote my friend(s).. I listened, read what they said, but i was not convinced, i did not debate them, just settled for the words.

Simply, I normally overworked.

(In this 21st century, and the growing global changes between the UK and Europe and the geopolitical giants..who would not be scared over their position and future?)

Most days of the week at 27, I was being more and more of an “autistic” person as my sister Sadness puts it, in the sense that truly, i just felt i lacked the strength to deal with people, let alone the discomfort I felt when i forced myself to “go out”, after long days at work.

I love life, my blog shows that thanks to my circles’ testimonies too, but indeed, on those nights I did force myself to be out there meeting or hanging with some friends, I fell asleep in the middle of a movie, and a dinner too just earlier this week.

Work takes up most of my time, so in my head, i had no time for anything else even if i wanted to.

Any of this familiar to you?

The Question we need to answer as often:

Imagine you’re at a dinner or was invited out for drinks or coffee with colleagues/friends and someone asks you:

Besides work, what do you do, or have enjoyed doing lately?

Would you have an answer, or would you have a boring reply?

My people, finding your balance cannot  be studied, researched, or investigated internally or externally. Just live it up, as my friend E.H. told me; that is, live up to your life.

Make time or a space for yourself. How? I tried doing that these past two weeks:

1) I went on my  run  but this time literally told myself, “you will walk instead, just walk it out, it’s not a fight”

When i got to the empty field that evening, i told myself: it’s not a challenge tonight, you’re tired. You’re here to walk, just breathe right and take it easy, no pressure.

That night, i broke my own record by running extra miles. It was my best run in months – when you take it easy, cease to “fight” and fight everything/everyone in life, things come to you.

2) I went on a random gathering, referred to me by my friend. It was a “Writer’s Meet up” encouraging Creative Writing.

I knew no one, I have no books or poems published, only my blog, and above all, knew not what to expect. I got there, did not know how to approach the couples or small groups of people already sat and the seemingly-long engaged in conversations for the past hour.

With a small nudge, I chatted, genuinely;

RESULT: I met someone with the same interests in Academics, Research, and in Teaching. What were the odds?

We were both in a place for creative writers, when we both worked in academics, but we loved writing and going there opened up a new friendship, something we can both give and take on, right? Who knows how things could take up from there, to open better doors for the both of us professionally and socially/personally? 

3) I read a book, but this time, wrote down & acted upon 1 message it preached, time-management. 

Last Sunday Oct. 23, 2016 was the first start of a new habit: managing time for the upcoming 6 days of my week. 

You see, time is abstract enough without our interpretation of it, so the number of hours you have during the week at work, makes your agenda “look” pretty packed.

It is indeed, but by writing down dates with yourself on some evenings, like inserting your yoga class, tea evening alone or with a friend, your movie night every Monday, your gym every other day, and so forth, you are committing to the activity you have on there, as if you gave your word to that friend, parent, or manager to meet them.

As i am learning, this should make you feel more accountable towards yourself, if you’re writing it all in your agenda.

Week 1 post-the new habit, i completely failed to plan the entire week and planned only Monday-Tuesday, which by the way, also turned out completely outside of the planned. It’s all okay, today’s another Sunday so i try again 😉

Give and dedicate time for yourself, i.e. time where you choose what you’d like to do with that, not anything or anyone else imposes on you what to do. It empowers you.Gives you an ‘interesting’ answer to the above-asked..

Listening

I sat with a special friend this Friday night, T.A., and another friend, E.R.1 week ago.They showed me what “listening” looks like.

All night, they shared their mind once, then all they did was listen to me and my insights.

I didn’t know why they looked so absorbed in what i have to say. Honestly.

Her eyes absorbed every word i was saying. His rapt attention intimidated me at one point. I was comfortable talking, but perhaps even a little self-absorbed/greedy for taking all the time to talk, but when i apologized, all she said was,

“i love listening to you & all you  say, every time. To me, you are perfect”.

He said,

your talks are lovely to hear and learn and think about.

Always rest reassured, be a listener when you need to, and be a talker, with those who need it. Both work like magic with the right people.

Be proud of things you did or said and save these compliments

My friend, E.H., last week too, and special others, had given me yet a third life sign – lesson:

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All friends in this post taught Me how to listen, to my students, to my friends, even how to listen to those who do not talk or express emotions as explicitly as others, depict that, and just be their voice, by understanding them.

They also taught me to speak up, without hesitation; speak up things that worry me, that make me happy, things i’d love to change in my society, life, family, or country, and to speak up humbly about my lessons learned above all.

Things kept to your own self, end up buried deep inside where no one can ever find them in you, not even those who understand you (or might ever).

What’s there for you to lose? people are judging you anyway, so we may as well give them some truth to judge us upon!

Trust me though, most of the times, they will end up not “judging” you, but they’ll be intrigued by you& your stories

because they too are humans and will relate to things you, unlike them, had the courage to bring to the table 😉  

Very Truly Yours,

Joy

Nov.20, 2016 (original draft i chickened out on posting then: Oct.30, 2016)

 

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