A Love Wish

The warmest good eve to my people 🙂

I have a friend, she’s actually a friend of a friend, and we got to meet and become friends through this common person…

Her name is L.K. and tonight is her birthday.

She’s officially the first to whom I wrap-up a blog post for as a birthday gift:$

She’s officially taught me a lot about  Love, a version i never had, by being in my life, so telling my people here about her, and her about her, tonight, i’ll tell you about the Love i found, one of my favourites actually in my current life and a love i know will only give more sense to why we were meant to meet in this life and be friends the way that we are.

As you read-on, i hope you can think of someone in your life, whom you have never really told how much they mean to you  (before they stopped being in your life for any reason), especially if you think it’s too weird to tell them that cause you’re just used to be there with no added explanations:)

One thing i know for sure:

I know L.K. deserves a lot; sometimes I am not sure she realizes that and other times, she settles, just like we all do more often than not.

Basically, she turns 30 today March 24th, and having spent her birthday night at hers with some friends on the 19th (:D yep preps started since!) in a way too special evening with highlight conversations, thoughts on life, and new heights in the Pictionary Game and its likes, I realised how much i loved her.

how much i love her strength,

her being liberated and how she lives her life.

If she were not in my life, i would feel the difference;

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She allows herself to be different. It makes her what and who she really is.

Even more so, you know when you get the chance to be someone you are not on a day-to-day basis, but when with the ‘right company’

i.e. someone who understands this little, quirky twist in your brains, you can actually be someone you love to be from time to time or as often as you like?

L.K. is exactly, perfectly, this person, this friend.

She has the most loving heart and a beautiful soul.

But alongside these, I have reason and a feeling to believe that like the all of us, she sometimes loses sight of the things that matter, how much she’s worth- i mean, don’t we all? I include myself at the top of  that list.

Hitting 30, especially in this Middle Eastern Culture here, just seems to put an automatic bar, a threshold for growth and happiness, which is entirely absurd and ridiculous; yet, no matter how independent I am, just like L.K too, I’d feel this pressure because of others around me, especially the elderly in our family who love us too much yet pressure us especially when it comes to matters of the heart!

This Birthday Post is to reject all that nonsense;

She has not had an easy life – at all, some things i know, many i don’t. Yet, her eyes tell the whole story and i am a good reader of people.

Like every one else, like me, like those closest to me who confide in me and I in them:

she invested, trusted people, certain close ones, other farther ones, but she was let down, lost, broken, abused, hurt in every and all different versions of the words presented.

She does not have a perfect family, or the perfect life, even though sometimes she makes people around feel that she does. It’s how human beings function, or most of us at least because we have an ego, a pride, and we tend not to cry out for help when we need it most.

Really now, don’t we all? Don’t we all have our struggles, our un-shared, unorthodox stories and scars? Our insecurities.

We do; we do and we do.

I do, no matter how much I try to evade them until this someone corners me with them.

In parallel, don’t we all have “Love”, in any form or version or definition of it?

I have been wrestling with the fact that i am compelled to tell her I am there for her, in the best ways that i can really be there;

sometimes i genuinely think there’s a lot going on in her life that i don’t know, and/or she may be too difficult to help or support because i don’t know her ‘well enough’, or ‘deep enough’ to open-up to her just like that, or to even know how i can help out.

I am scared she could reject a helping hand to just be there..

Nonetheless, tonight, I was compelled to reach out.

For no solid justifications, I couldn’t be with her tonight to celebrate one way or another, but I decided to come clean and tell her all she means to me here amongst my people on our platform, on her special day, her birthday.

Who among us does not need the little nudge forward?

Who does not need the little voice of encouragement? the little confrontation to show them their mistakes, or to help cover them up and overcome them?

Who does not need others to just ‘let them be’, as sad or hurt or helpless as they sometimes feel?

Who among us does not make mistakes we think we cannot live with, or that we will never be the same with them in our life and as long as we live?

I want her to know that I know another friend, a certain E., she lives in Europe, and she has been even more broken than anyone i know, in the same and worse ways.

I have yet another friend who can write volumes and volumes about violence, pain, being beaten up, blue bruises, scars, broken hearts, stepped-on pride, self and voice..

I’ve heard the stories and they made me cry but taught me a whole lot more about what sharing my Love and Kindness can be/is to those around me and in my life.

And another friend. N.L…. who suffered from the most isolated versions of loneliness and longing for home, and disastrous life on her own when she relocated away from home to study. She was self-struggling, and not even aware of it, which made her think of hurting herself time and time again with no one around to pull her up because she kept it to herself, isolated.

Love and kindness must only be shared, so here I am, one person at a time i guess:)

I want the birthday girl today to know: I whole-heartedly “admire” her, yes, her strength, her charms as a human being, and her confidence;

I want her to know i love her the way that she is, and whoever cannot deal with that says a lot more about them than about her!

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I laugh with her in ways i don’t with any one else.

She brings out a ‘special-edition’ of a laugh cause she simply understands the looks in my eyes, or the twisted jokes that might come to mind on the most ridiculous things.

You know, she introduced me to a new type of love i never knew. One that is afraid it might be undervalued if shared, fear of the other person not accepting it as it is.

She showed me how i can love someone truly for who they are, in all their differences, weirdness, difference, little perks, big/small wounds, scars, their own not-knowing-what they want in life, and their own insecurities.

It’s different from my family love, different from the love of a crush, different from the love of someone you think you like, from the love of a boyfriend, fiance, closest friend(s).

She is a love that brings out the sides in me that are in there (in me), longing to be out there, but suppressed because of my own social, family, and cultural ‘restrictions’ or stereotypes.

She liberates complicated things within me, that no one knows exist, except when i am with her. And i love her so much exactly for that.

In her own ways, actions, laughs, and thoughts, and ideas, she makes me a better person; someone who loosens up, and who learns every time we meet, to become less and less uptight about things i am most conventional about.

This today goes out to you L.K.;

a wish that comes out from my hearts of hearts, for all the things i wanted to tell you and still want to, but refrain from doing so because i am not quite sure if i’ll know how to handle you or how you’ll perceive them.

Every person perceives support, love, and kindness in different ways. I’ve learned that by losing some of my people and winning others. And because i have never made a point to say them to you face-to-face or during our crazy nights out, I chose tonight to resort to what i am best at: words are my home, so i recently discovered and began to act upon it.

It has been a week now since i lost a good friend of mine (to whom Blog Post #6 Losing a Friend: how to think was dedicated) and the lesson he taught me before he left was/is:

let it all out, express all that someone means to you while you both breathe because you never know when they might be around anymore. So:

I love you, very much so.

I love the me that you bring out.

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Life is fair and unfair at times;

But you being in my life is something i will always have, protect, and cherish even though i do not always show it to you because it gets all too ’emotional’  and neither of us likes to dwell on that like that, so we simply enjoy each other’s company:)

I love you the way that you are, and no matter how cheesy my words may sound, they come directly from the heart.

You are someone that i love in ways i never loved any one. And i love that.

Keep having a little faith in life, please, would you? It will bring about things you do not expect because of the unique things you have been through or known in your life. They make you YOU;

Our laughs are priceless. The eves we share inspire me to be the versions of me that i do not always dare to be.

The lessons you share, even if not entirely, with me teach me so much as i have never encountered them myself in the same ways.

Happiest 30th Birthday Habibi (‘my love’ in arabic).

Truly Yours,

Joy

March 24, 2016; 9.22pm

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