The Letter to Fear

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Dearest friends, My People,

A couple conversations about every day struggles and life were initiated this past week of March 7-12, 2016 with individuals very close to my heart, and they made me realize 1 thing:

this platform was initiated because it is about You, my people; so i figured I always share things that were/are attached to people in my circle of experiences, with you, to reflect on or relate to one way or another, but why not allocate now and then, a space for your direct voice and contribution?

I am expecting 2 sharing-s to be delivered into my inbox the next week; two sharing-s i can cut and paste as is onto our platform here, in the name of their respective writers/the persons undergoing this experience wrote-out for us.

And we’ve agreed to put them out here, maybe their voice too helps you one way or another in your life.

So, today, i received a very special something from a certain N.J.

He’s a past acquaintance, someone I have not met in a long while, yet whom i know, has gotten to this point in life: the point where not all people are…that point of a little bit more wisdom and a little bit more understanding of life, what truly matters in it, and how to live it up- literally, regretting absolutely nothing and not dwelling on absolutely any challenge or low point. Simply, he’s so energized with a ‘positivity overload’ that nothing is impossible.

I am compelled to share the words with you, and customized them a bit into the Joy- framework; please, meet:


I encourage you all, if you are feeling stuck, to sit down one of these days and write your own letter to your own fear. But before you do that, here’s an even more interesting exercise: Allow your fear to write a letter to YOU.

I do this every once in a while, when I’m feeling particularly shaky and unsure of myself.

[Yes, even the “Joy” you met in Blog Post #1 has fears within her ..]

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I give my fear a chance to express itself, formally, in writing. I ask my fear, “What are you actually terrified about, in this situation?” And I make a effort of listening, with respect.

(It’s amazing how seldom we do this — listen to our fear, with respect. We’re always trying to punch it in the face, or kick its ass, or run away from it. But we seldom let it speak.)

I’m always amazed by what comes up. Often, I think I know what I’m afraid of, but when my fear is given a chance to actually speak, I’m surprised at what the real issue is.

The other thing I keep learning, when I let my fear have a chance to make its case, is that my fear is not (contrary to how it often feels) BOTTOMLESS. Fear and anxiety can feel like they have infinite depths, like they are afraid of EVERYTHING, but usually they are just afraid of 2 or 3 very specific things, once you look closely. And sometimes those 2 or 3 three things are pretty reasonable. Usually, the letter that my fear writes to me is quite short, and very precise.

And once I see what those 2 or 3 issues are, what I’m actually afraid of…well, now we can talk about it. Like adults. Like friends.

And that’s when I can write a letter back to fear, thanking it for its thoughts and contributions, but gently explaining what we are going to do now that all the information has been reported.

I know it sounds freaky — to be writing letters to and from various aspects of yourself…but remember: None of us is a SELF; we are all MANY SELVES. What we call a “self” is just a wild mishmash combination of lots and lots of different parts and competing voices. (Anyone who has ever negotiated with herself/himself about whether or not she/he will be going to the gym today knows this: we are a veritable auditorium of rival voices and contrasting opinions.)

But if you can approach all these rival selves with a spirit of friendly curiosity, it can make your head into a more peaceful neighborhood.

It’s all about communication, people. It’s all about communication.

Start with your fear. Ask it what it wants, what it doesn’t want, and why it’s so desperately holding you back from what your creativity and your courage might be asking you to attempt.

Let your fear speak.

Let it write you a letter.

Read the letter with open-minded and open-heart-ed affection.

And then write back to your fear with love and kindness, and respectfully explain your new plan.

Your fear should always be allowed to have a voice, and a seat in the vehicle of your life.

But whatever you do — don’t let your fear DRIVE.

Truly yours,


March 12, 2016 ; 5:52pm.


4 thoughts on “The Letter to Fear

  1. Thank you for sharing Joy 🙂 This is awesome.
    Two days ago, I asked my Fear, “How are you doing, my old friend? What’s going on with you?”
    My Fear replied, “I’m so tired. Trying to keep everyone & everything safe has completely exhausted me. I can’t do this anymore. Somebody else needs to be in charge now.”
    And then I heard Love speak. She said, “Let me take it from here”
    That’s when we all started breathing again…

    Liked by 1 person

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